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BUSH SETS UP INSANITY DEFENSE Nuclear Option Strategy Key To Plea Homeland H.Q. (formerly Washington, D.C.) - (GNS) - President George W. "Dubya" Bush fortified his insanity defense over the weekend when he confirmed the U.S. military had plans to exercise "a nuclear option" against Iraq. "We'll nuke those evildoers if we have to. I'm sick and tired of this," he said. News of Bush's precarious state and his implementation of a legal defense strategy leaked over the weekend after comments were made by Martin Milner, Undersecretary of Obscure References in the Stay The Course Agency of the Commerce Department to a reporter. "I think he's nuts," Milner told Washington Times reporter Fred McMurray. Milner's comment was in response to the public reaction to Bush's economic plan, showing a majority of American's rejecting the plan and questioning Bush's leadership. Details of the Insanity Defense were revealed yesterday in an interview given by White House aide Andrew Card to editorial cartoonist Garry Trudeau. "We produced new rules to speed up logging in national forests, rolled back protections of 58 million acres of roads and developments, eased pollution controls for power plants and factories, rejected new fuel-efficiency standards, sped up permit-granting for companies, lifted a ban on snowmobiles in parks, proposed 51,000 new natural gas wells, removed limits on coal producers for dumping mountaintop fill in streams, reduced EPA fines of pulluters by 64%, opened up Padre Island to drilling, halted funding for several Superfund sites, replaced scientists who don't support our view, rejected the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty, and more," Card said. "Clearly these are the actions of an insane man. No sane person would do this to our precious environment," Card said. "When you add to that focusing on war against Iraq, virtually abandoning the war on terror, the hunt for Osama Bin Laden and the rebuilding of Afghanistan so another anti-American faction doesn't take hold, and now considering using nuclear weapons in Iraq, well, insane is the only word for it," Card said. Supporters of the president disputed Card's conclusions. "He's just inconsistent, stupid, imperial, lazy, impatient, revengeful, greedy and loyal to his rich buddies," said Kenny Lay. "I've known the boy for years. If he's insane, I'm insane," said former Ubermenschenfuhrer Henry Kissinger. CNN Toad Wolf Blitzer endorsed the call for the use of nuclear weapons. "It'll make great television!" he exclaimed. |
