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CHENEY LINKED TO DUCT TAPE INDUSTRY;
SCORES MILLIONS FROM ORANGE ALERT SCARE "Americans Should Be Proud" An Undisclosed Location - (GNS) - Sources have confirmed that Vice President Dick Cheney sits on the board of directors of Nashua, the nation's leading manufacturer of duct tape. Duct tape flew off the shelves immediately after the U.S. Department of Homeland security announced it was an important antiterrorism materials, and now Cheney will make millions from this sharp boost in sales. The Vice President, who is in an undisclosed location, responded to charges of profiteering with an irate statement. "What the hell do you want from me? I'm stuck here in an undisclosed location, not even any booze or broads, and now you're pissed I'm makin' money? Who the hell do you think you are?" the Vice President said. Presidential press spinmeister Ari Flyshirt told reporters Cheney's newfound wealth was "exactly what this country stands for. Remember, in Iraq, only Saddam Hussein would've made money. Here, Americans can be proud that their Vice President made money. Besides. you're either with us or you're against us." |
