An independent product of Gary Gordon Productions
[Visit The Gary Gordon Band; Get info on Gary's CDs]
America's Only E-Paper That Comes Out Every 5 or 11 Days!!
TAKE ME TO The Fictional Times!
Established April 17, 2001

MAKE A DONATION
TO SUPPORT THE FICTIONAL TIMES!
Hi. If you like The Fictional Times,
please consider making a donation.
Thanks.
--Gary Gordon, Publisher, Editor, Stuff

CHENEY CALLS FOR INVESTIGATION OF STING, SUPERBOWL HALF-TIME SHOW
"We Are Not Sending Out An SOS!"
 Undisclosed Location, USA - (GNS)
- Vice President Cheney called for an investigation under the Patriot Act of Sting and everyone else involved in the Superbowl Half-Time show, declaring he suspected possible ties to Al Qaeda.
     "They sang that song about sending out an SOS, there's only one thing that can mean," Cheney said.
     "It could mean they want help from foreign countries opposed to war with Iraq like Germany and France to come over here and pollute the minds of our people," he said.
     "Or it could mean that they're working for Al Qaeda and they want to recruit more people," he added.
     Cheney pointed out the timing of the fireworks with the lyrics.
     "It was like bombs going off at the World Trade Center. It was sickening. A sickening display of treason," he declared.
     Cheney asked member of the House UnAmerican Activities Committee to convene and learn just what was "the message in the bottle".
     "Here we are trying to protect America and they go about circumventing the internet by passing covert messages in bottles," he said.
     "And that singer with the bare stomach, wiggling, shoving her ass around, who was that, Madonna? Britney Spears? Norah Jones? That's not what our boys died for in, uh, Afghanistan," he said.
     Sources with Sting's organization said he had orignially intended to sing "Puff The Magic Dragon" but was warned against it because of its drug-related lyrics.
     Congressional leaders said they would begin an investigation as soon as their investigation into the lyrics of "America The Beautiful" was complete.
     "It was brought to our attention that 'purple mountains majesties' might be a reference to LSD, and 'amber waves of grain' might be a reference to unregulated alcohol," said committee member Senator Arlen "Single-Bullet" Spectre.
     CNN Toad Wolf Blitzer said the hearings with Sting and any female singers with bare stomachs who wriggled would be covered live.
     "It'll be great television!" he exclaimed.