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C.I.A. WARNS U.S. ATTACK ON IRAQ MIGHT NOT BE SUCH A GOOD IDEA WHEN YOU STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE
Warning Stuns Nation;
"We Already Had Our Blinders On!" Pres. Declares
 Washington, D.C. - (GNS)
- CIA Director George Tenant warned Congress yesterday that a U.S. attack on Iraq might provoke "terrible horror and horrible terror" whereas "not attacking might just contain this terrible, horrible yet static situation."
     The comments stunned dozens in the Bush Administration who thought Tenant was a team player.
     "He better watch what he says," declared Ari Flyshirt, Bush's Underhimmler For Communications Control.
     "I'm shocked," said a shocked Vice President From An Undisclosed Location Dick "Dick" Cheney. "We thought he was a team player. We thought he was on board. We thought this was a done deal. We thought he was a Go. What the hell is this shit?" Cheney said.
     Tenant was adamant, which is not the same thing as Adam Ant.
     "Baghdad for now appears to be drawing a line short of conducting terrorist attacks with conventional or chemical or biological weapons against the United States," he said.
     "Should Saddam conclude that a U.S.-led attack could no longer be deterred, he probably would become much less constrained in adopting terrorist action," Tenant continued.
     He noted that Hussein could use either conventional terrorism or a weapon of mass destruction as "his last chance to exact vengeance by taking a large number of victims with him."
     Haliburton, makers of the official U.S.-approved Blinders distributed throughout the Administration, Armed Forces, and media, condemned Tenant's statements.
     "Bad for business," said former Vice President Dan Quayle, now a Vice President for the current Vice President's former company.
     "Not since the days when I didn't serve in Vietnam have I seen such, uh, potato," Quayle said.
     Supporters of the war condemned the use of a phony Quayle quote using the word potato as a cheap shot.
     "Shots should be expensive. Otherwise, how are we going to rebuild this economy?" said Secretary of War & War Equipment Manufacturing Donald "Jocular" Rumsfeld.