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BUSH TO BRING DEMOCRACY TO IRAQ BY ELIMINATING IT IN EUROPE
"Axis of Unworthy Democratic Nations" Threatens War Effort
 By Michael Adler
Gainesville Daily Statement Correspondent
Homeland HQ (formerly Washington, D.C. - (GDS)
- President Bush announced a radical shift in foreign policy last night as tough opposition to his war against Iraq continued throughout the world.
     "We will pursue a policy of regime change in democratic countries where necessary. Especially France." the president said.
     "We must not allow French democracy to get in the way of bringing democracy to Iraq," the president said.
     Citing evidence of French weapons of mass destruction, Bush said, "The only solution to the situation with France is for Jaques Chirac to go into exile so that we can replace him with a leader who will support our effort to liberate Iraq."
     Bush defended this new policy by recalling the tremendous cooperation of undemocratic governments in foreign affairs.
     Joined by the presidents of Pakistan, Egypt and Afghanistan, Bush noted "Pakistan, Egypt, and Afghanistan are with us 100%."
     Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf declared "I agree", Egyptian President Hosni Mubarrak said "Ditto", then Afghan Interim President Hamid Karzai said "How high?-- I mean whatever he said. Ditto? Sorry, I’m new at this. Please don’t launch cruise missiles at my house."
     French reaction to Bush's declaration was immediate. French President Chirac thrust his hand outward from underneath his chin and walked off in a huff.
     Homeland Security analysts have interpreted this gesture as a signal to French terrorists in the United States to strike.
     Germany and Russia are also on Bush's list. Some US forces have been rerouted from Kuwait to Northern Spain and the State Department reportedly requested that Bulgaria allow a US troop build-up in case an invasion against the "Axis of Unworthy Democratic Nations" occurs.
     "Germany can avert war if they join us in the war against France," Bush warned. "Unless Germany allows us to remove democracy from France so that we can bring democracy to Iraq, the German government will have to be replaced."
     Bush gave Germany 48 hours to make up its mind.
     Some French people have already surrendered to US forces in Northern Spain. They are being sent to Guantanamo Bay for questioning about their knowledge of Chirac and his relationship to Bin Laden.
     British Prime Minister Tony Blair tried to rally support in the House of Commons today, saying "We must deal with the French threat" and promising to produce forged documents written by high school students proving claims that France has targeted Britain and the US with nuclear missiles.
     Opposition to the war on Iraq in Britain has reached 80%, according to a recent Zogby poll. Blair was reportedly worried about his political future and has ordered new electronic voting machines from the US. Such computerized voting machines have been credited with the Republican take-over of the Senate, in particular, the win of underdog Chuck Hagel of Nebraska, who owns the company that made and programmed the voting machines that recorded the votes of his landslide win.
     "Eliminating democracy in Florida was the first step to bringing democracy to Iraq," Hagel said. "My victory was part of the second step. Now, with the president's leadership against Iraq and against the Axis of Unworthy Democratic Nations, a democratic Iraq could become the 51st state."