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AMERICAN EMPIRE FROWNS ON IRAQI TACTICS
"They fight like guerillas, like savage Indians"
 Homeland Castle (formerly the White House) - (GNS)
- Following in the footsteps of the British Empire that preceded them, American Empire leaders have taken offense with the fighting tactics of the enemy.
      "They're wearing disguises, fooling our men, they hide and use camouflage and use deceit and trickery," said a disgusted Lord Rumself. "This kind of behavior during war should be illegal. Why, I think it is illegal. And if it isn't we'll certainly make it illegal, by God!"
      Commander Lord Franks compared Iraqi guerilla fighters to "savage Indians" but denied some of his troops have muttered "the only good Iraqi is a dead Iraqi."
      Lord Rumself continued with his complaints at a tea party he held for the embedded media covering the war in Washington.
      "In civilized war, you don't shoot at the officers. If you shoot at and kill officers there will be chaos on the battlefield. It's just not civilized. It's just not done among proper warriors in proper society," Lord Rumself said.
      His Majesty Bush The Sequel reminded everyone that the Empire was taking great care to drop bombs precisely and this was apparently going unappreciated.
      "The world does not applaud us for our precision, yet it celebrates the guerillas, the evildoers, for their subterfuge. They are using land mines, they are depriving their own people of our beneficence. I pray for them," King Bush said.
      Lord of the Exchequer Cheney reasoned as long as there was enough to clean up for his legions to make a profit, it would all end well.
      "An empire is destined to be glorious. We are an empire. Iraq cannot stand in our way. Nor can anyone else," Lord Cheney declared.