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EMPTY WARHEADS REVEAL IRAQI MIGHT
 "This Must Be Stopped!" Says Rumself
 Homeland HQ (formerly Washington, D.C.) - (GNS)
- The recent discovery by UN Inspectors of empty warheads is an indication of the might of the Iraqi "war machine", according to Secretary of War Donald Rumself.
     "They will stop at nothing, and they must be stopped," he told reporters at his daily gig.
     ""The level of their lies, their deception, their deceit, their trickery, their obsequiousness, their-- oh, I could go on and on-- their chicanery, their perniciousness, their stealth, their cunning, their guile, their evilness, their shadiness, their-- we're talking about empty warheads here! They will stop at nothing and they must be stopped!" he declared.
     Reporters quickly consulted their dictionaries and other reference material to assist the word-weary yet glib war leader.
     "Are they also practicing falsehood, fiction, half-truth, evasion, fabrication, overstatement, fakery, dissemblement and canardism?" asked Donald Roget of Roget's Times.
     "Yes, yes, you understand! I knew my media would get it," Rumself replied.
     "How exactly are empty warheads an indication of their military might?" asked one reporter.
     "Cock and bull, that's the phrase I was looking for," Rumself said with a smile. "They keep giving us cock and bull stories. Cock and bull. Cock and bull. Cock and bull. Remember, they will stop at nothing, and they must be stopped," he added.
     On the subject of the warheads themselves, Rumself confirmed they were empty.
     "Have you ever been hit with an empty warhead?" he asked rhetorically, or not.
     "Some see an empty warhead and see it's empty, I see an empty warhead and see it's full," he said.
     Rumself congratulated the UN inspectors for finding the warheads but also insisted the inspections must be over in time for the US to attack and save the world.
     "It's either that, or we'll have to run the pipeline thru China and the Korean Peninsula," he said.