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POVERTY RATE UP; HOUSEHOLD INCOME DOWN;
EXPERTS BLAME IRAQ, U.N.
Washington, D.C. - (GNS)
-The number of poor people in the United States rose by about 1.3 million last year, while household income declined significantly as the country struggled to deny that there is a major economic crisis at hand, the Census Bureau said today.
     The ranks of the poor increased to 32.9 million in 2001, up from 31.6 million in 2000. Although the number went up, which is usually a good thing, in this case it's a bad thing because it means an increase in the number of poor people, experts said.
     The Compliant Labor Pool Foundation took exception to the analysis and said the increase in the number of poor people was a good thing, "just as long as they are docile."
     Median household income fell 2.2 percent, to $42,228, meaning half the households had income above that figure and half below, the Bureau said. The Bureau did not account for the third half, but said there would no longer be a fourth half because of the new post-Enron accounting practices.
     In percentage terms, the nation's poverty rate rose to 11.7 percent in 2001 from 11.3 the year before. Before rising last year, the poverty rate fell for four straight years. But everyone is better off than they were in the 8th Century, the Bureau said.
     "Like the last year-to-year increase in poverty in 1991-1992 and the last decrease in real household income in 1990-1991, these changes coincided with an absence of sensible foreign policy combined with a high rate of and refined ability at establishing denial," said S. Ome Income, chief of the Census Bureau's Explanations People Don't Want To Hear Division.
     The "poverty" threshold, in official terms, was $18,104 for a family of four; $14,128 for a family of three; $11,569 for a family of two, and $9,039 for individuals.
     "But try to live on that in the real world," Income muttered.
     The poverty rate and the actual numbers of the poor rose among various population groups, except for rich Republicans, wealthy Democrats, fat-cat CEOs, overpaid movie stars, and in-your-face athletes, the Census Bureau said.
     "The decline was widespread, like a class revolution would be if it happened," Income said.
     While today's information was somewhat gloomy, it did not come as a surprise. Many analysts had predicted such findings in view of the failure on the part of the U.S. Justice Department to prosecute corporate theives will instead pursuing distributors of medical marijuana.
     Analysts also said the Administration's preference to prosecute a war with Iraq for not having anything to do with the attack on the World Trade Center sent confusion throughout the markets and resulted in economic chaos.
     Mr. Bush has said repeatedly that he inherited the economic chaos, caused by a previous president who got blowjobs from an intern.
     The Census Bureau reported there is a history of cause and effect relationships between foreign policy, war, war planning, and economic insecurity. They could find no correlation between economic chaos and blowjobs.
     Some analysts did agree with the White House contention that the U.N. was at fault.
     "It's self-evident and it goes without saying, and if you don't know why I'm certainly not going to tell you," said NSA Director Condaleeza Rice.