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U.S. PURCHASES TURKEY Iraq Now On U.S. Border Homeland HQ (formerly Washington D.C.) - (GNS) - The United States concluded purchasing the country of Turkey yesterday for an undisclosed price, according to a State Department press release. A ceremony is scheduled for next week, before the war begins, the release said. Although details of the purchase are obscure, presidential spinmeister Ari Flyshirt did confirm the information in his press briefing. "Turkey is now ours. It's an official U.S. territory, like Kansas used to be. The implications of this are clear. Iraq is now on our border. So for all the nimnods who say Iraq is not a threat to us, well they're just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong," Flyshirt said. According to one unnamed source, the sticking point in the purchase was not the money, it was whether or not everyone there would have to learn English and eat Turkey on Thanksgiving. Flyshirt denied that the U.S. is also considering buying Mexico. |
