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Scrunched Face Has Doctors, US Enemies Alarmed
Homeland H.Q. (formerly Washington D.C.) - (GNS)
- Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld got angry again yesterday. This was the seven hundred and eleventh time Rumsfeld has gotten angy since the War Against Saddam began.
     Observers noted if this keeps up he would lose his reputation for being jovial and convivial.
     Rumsfeld's doctors expressed alarm, as did countries on the US Enemies List.
     "We're alarmed," said Dr. Marcus Welby. "Anger's not good. He's got have a healthy outlet. Racquetball, war, something."
     "All I know is when this guy gets angry, bombs fall," said one foreign diplomat no longer living in his nation's capitol.
     Rumsfeld admitted to being somewhat angry but angrily denied being exceptionally angry.
     "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" he said.
     Yesterday's anger was apparently directed at unknown sources within the military who told reporters the U.S. was planning some long-term bases in Iraq.
     Rumsfeld insisted that wasn't true.
     He did clarify that the U.S. does want some long-term agreements that would allow use of specific airfields, if necessary.
     Recently Rumsfeld got angry when he denied the U.S. had any intention of invading Syria. This was preceeded by his anger at Syria for aiding Iraq. His anger at Iraq was premised on its hiding of chemical and biological weapons of mass destruction and at the U.N. inspectors for failing to find these weapons.
     Rumsfeld is expected to be angry tomorrow and in the coming weeks that these weapons of mass destruction have not been found.

     Rumors that Jack Nicholson will try to help Rumsfeld with his anger do not have any basis, according to Colin Powell, long-time adversary of Rumsfeld. Powell, of course, did not exactly tell the truth to the U.N. before the war.
     Nicholson could not be reached for commment.