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THURMOND WINS IN NORTH CAROLINA
 Dole, Bowles Concede To Venerable Senator
 Stick In The Mud, NC - (GNS)
- Senator Strom Thurmond, first elected to the South Carolina senate before the War Between The States, won election to the US Senate from North Carolina, beating GOP favorite Liddy Dole and Democrat Policy Wonk Erskine Bowles.
     Most analysts attributed the victory to Thurmond's name recognition and the desire for everyone to see him die in office.
     But some analysts said North Carolinians just couldn't "get behind" names like Liddy and Erskine.
     "I know what a Strom is, but what the hell is an Erskine?" said Bubba Dizleksic, a door to door cotton broker from Durham.
     "Liddy. Liddy, Liddy, Liddy. I just don't think she'll be taken seriously," said Ida "Ida" Addled of Winston-Salem-Tobaccoville.
     Dole said she was happy to congratulate Thurmond.
     "He thinks he once slept with me. I can get favors," she said ebulliantly.
     Bowles said it was a shame that North Carolinians had voted for a South Carolinian. "It's just another example of the dumbing down of America. Everytime you think you've reached the bottom, it's just gets dumber," he said.
     Bob Hope could not be reached for comment.