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BUSH TO APPOINT SUCCESSOR TO SYDNEY OMARR "Predicting The Future Is A Job For Homeland Security" Homeland HQ (formerly Washington, D.C.) - (GNS) - President Bush announced yesterday he would appoint a successor for the recently deceased psychic Sydney Omarr, known to millions of newspaper readers as Sydney Omarr. Omarr, who died an unforeseen death a few weeks ago, predicted the future for decades with an uncanny ability for glaring inaccuracies. His death created a void that, according to Bush, must be filled. "The job of predicting the future is a job for Homeland Security. I thank Sydney and his followers for their dedication to America. We are threatened by evildoers. There are even people among us who scoff at the idea of taking preventive and pre-emptive measures. America must stand firm in the face of threats by the evildoers to impose on us a future that will enslave and destroy us, a future hardworking Americans do not deserve. This threat is ongoing, so I promise to do all I can, with your help and faith and allegiance and obedience, to ensure the best possible future for all of us, so help me God," Bush said. White House sources said Bush was preparing a list of possible replacements for Omarr, but, in light of its ongoing policy to be as secretive as possible, they would not release the names. |
