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SYRIA WARNED NOT TO BE SYRIA
"Keep It Up And You're Next"
 Homeland HQ (formerly Washington D.C.) - (GNS)
- Secretary of State Colin Prowl warned Syria to not be Syria and quit their support of Iraq yesterday, in no uncertain terms.
     "We know you fucked up Lebanon in '76. We know you have aspirations for a greater Syria like the Assyrian empire of olden days. We know you provide sanctuary for a variety of terrorist groups. And we know you're supplying weapons to Iraq. Keep it up and you're next!," Prowl said.
     Syria, a harsh dictatorship known for its harsh dictatorship, denied sending aid to Iraq.
     "What do you think, we're crazy?" Syrian Foreign Minister Al Ach-ach Chumed said. "We're a peace-loving peoples, honest. As for Lebanon, well, you know, the Bekaa valley, lots of poppies."
     Prowl denied a war against Syria would be a war for drugs.
     "We're not in it for oil or drugs. If we were, we sure as hell wouldn't be supporting Israel," Prowl said.
     Recent polls show increasing support for a U.S. invasion of Syria in order to accomplish regime change, secure the poppy fields, remove one of Israel's enemies, and create a state where additional Bush offspring can be a governor.
     "If you think about it, it makes sense to invade Syria," said Dr. Emile Lola, Director of the Sense & Sensibility Institute at Rutger University.
     "Syria has never been an ally, except briefly during the Gulf War. True, they've never attacked us, but they've always been a pain in the ass."
     Lola recently published a much-applauded essay titled "The Pain In The Ass Doctrine Of Intervention".
     Jordan, Israel and Egypt all said they would support a war against Syria.
     "Nobody likes them," they said in a joint statement.
     Even Saudi Arabia, which does not border Syria, said it would support a war.
     "Better them than us," said foreign minister Faisal bin Faisal. "Hey, the longer we can keep you guys from focusing on us, the better."
     Syria issued a statement criticizing western countries for not remaining thoroughly entrenched with 8th Century values.
     All talk of diplomacy was tabled to the next meeting, which has yet to be scheduled.