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STUDY: CIVILIZATION BEGAN IN TEXAS Michael Adler, Staff Writer Sugarland, TX - (GNS) - The CATO Institute released a startling study revealing that Texas was the true birthplace of Western civilization yesterday. Historians formerly considered Mesopotamia to be the origin of civilization, specifically the fertile crescent between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers in what is now Iraq. Archaeological evidence supporting this popular theory had been stored in the Baghdad Museum, but thieves and vandals destroyed it all, and no evidence currently exists to support the historical claim. The CATO Institute revealed its findings at a press conference here in Sugarland. Key to the revelation was the unearthing of a cave near San Antonio containing ancient inscriptions on its walls, such as "Don’t mess with Texas." The inscriptions date back to approximately 12,000 B.C. Ancient Texans spread civilization trough the Folsom Culture east through Tennessee and South Carolina, across to Africa and Europe then further east to "Mesopotamia". The spread also went westward, according to the CATO study, moving through Arizona and California to Japan and Australia then to China and India. The study said ancient longhorn steer bones, cowboy boot heels and human feces with BBQ beans have been found that support this theory. "In the absence of any other theory, it's clear that this is the correct one," the study reads, in part. President Bush attended the announcement. "It’s great to hear that civilization was created here in the land of the free, rather than in the home of the terrorists. Like those cave-dwellers said, don’t mess with Texas," he said. |
