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U.S. PUSHES FOR QUICK U.N. VOTE ON IRAQ New Voting Machines Installed At U.N. New York, NY - (GIN) - Faced with the typical backstabbing opposition from France and Russia, two countries that would have fallen to the Nazis if it weren't for the U.S., the United States stepped up pressure on the U.N. Security Council Wednesday to quickly approve its tough new Iraq resolution. "We even gave them voting machines, for chrissake," U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Katie Harris declared. Harris conceded the president "may not get what he wants, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need." Undersecretary of Spanish Names John Blackpoint described the negotiating process with the Security Council as "complicated" and "messy." "Something about full discussion and ramafication of actions," he said. The United States has been discussing a new resolution with the five permanent veto-holding council members for nearly two and half weeks. During that time the Axis of Evil has grown stronger, Administration officials insisted. "If they take any longer, and Indonesia is added to the list of Bad Guys, it will no longer be an Axis of Evil, it'll be a Square of Evil. Now you don't want that, do you?" declared Undersecretary of Terror Math Theorem Fermat. "This dillydallying, this pussyfooting, this delay has got to stop," declared Sen. Tom DeLay, aspiring chair of the No Ways & No Means Committee. For a resolution to pass, it needs nine "yes" votes from the 15 council members, and no veto by a permanent member. Harris said the machines are "rigged for a close vote, but we'll be victorious." Sources confirm that Chad will not be allowed to vote. |
