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 VENTURA WINS MINNESOTA SENATE RACE "The Secret Write-In Campaign Worked!" Witch's Tit, MN - (GNS) - Governor Jesse Ventura won the senate race in Minnesota by a slim but victorious margin. "Told ya," said Ventura, upon hearing the news. Minnesotans, divided between household name Walter Mondale and the unknown GOP nominee Norm Carlton or whatever his name is, chose at the last minute to vote for their governor. "The only way to get him out of the state was to send him to D.C.," said one happy but disgruntled yet self-satisfied voter. Ventura undertook a secret write-in campaign after Sen. Paul Wellstone died in an eventful plane crash. He campaigned on a platform that combined his nutty, inconsistent politics with his fantasy about being a double-d cup bra. "Inconsistency, bras, and bald heads appeal to voters these days," said one political pundit who writes for the National Review and In These Times and has been known to wear women's underwear. "I only wish I was bald," he said. Upon hearing the news, Mondale and Carlton (or whatever his name is) immediately announced plans to run for governor. The Coen brothers could not be reached for comment. |
