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BUSH CALLS FOR WAR BEFORE ELECTIONS
"The New World Order's on a schedule, and we can't wait for stragglers"
 Camp David, MD - (GIN)
-President G.W. "Hellfire" Bush followed up on his speech to the U.N. yesterday calling for them to act within days or weeks, not months.
     "We want this war, and we want it now!" Bush said.
     Supporters around the country and world cheered Bush's tough stance, but critics said Bush was pushing too hard, too fast.
     "It's so transparent," said one critic. "He should wait until after the elections. Then it won't be perceived as political. It'll be a good war."
     Bush denied turning the discussion of war into a political weapon.
     "I want this war before the elections. I thought I made that clear. But it's got nothing to do with the elections, it's just that that's a date everybody knows. November. On the first Tuesday, I think," Bush said.
     "The New World Order's on a schedule, and we can't wait for stragglers," Bush said.
     Candidates around the country, aware the future of control of the Senate may be up for grabs, differed in their opinions about when the war should be.
     Some who did not wish to go on record said the election should not be about the war, it should be about the economy, which is bad and will get worse if there is a war.
     Referring to the President, one candidate declared "It's the stupid, stupid."
     Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenbacks, testifying before the Congressional Committee Investigating Stuff, said a war would not be good for the economy.
     "The price of oil will go up if there's a war," Greenbacks said. "Of course," he conceded, "the price of oil always goes up. That's the nature of the oil business. What're you gonna do? Alternative fuel? Hah. That's a joke."
     In related news, Florida election officials asked Bush to use his war powers to postpone the November elections "until we can get our machines working."