An independent product of Gary Gordon Productions
[Visit The Gary Gordon Band; Get info on Gary's CDs]
America's Only E-Paper That Comes Out Every 5 or 11 Days!!
TAKE ME TO The Fictional Times!
Established April 17, 2001

MAKE A DONATION
TO SUPPORT THE FICTIONAL TIMES!
Hi. If you like The Fictional Times,
please consider making a donation.
Thanks.
--Gary Gordon, Publisher, Editor, Stuff

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION FOUND!
Bush, Powell Didn't Lie After All
 Bush City (formerly Baghdad), Iraq - (GIN)
- Coalition forces announced their discovery of a huge cache of weapons of mass destruction twenty miles north of Baghdad today.
     The weapons were found concealed in an ancient ruin of Atsab'su Urd where an archaeological dig was shut down by the Iraqi government nine years ago.
     The weapons were found by a team of US Army Rangers working with a team of archaeologists from UCLA.
     "We don't know the exact amount of weapons stored here, but it's huge," said US Army Ranger Captain Hunt Piryte.
     Piryte said caches of Anthrax and four nuclear warheads have been uncovered so far.
     "We're trying to dig carefully so we don't destroy the ruin but at the same time we recover what's here," Piryte said.
     "It's slow going," he added, "because we don't know if the facility was properly maintained. There could be combustibles here, the whole thing could go up in a flash if we're not careful."
     Atsab'su Urd was a small trading center that flourished briefly before Baghdad emerged as the the central city of ancient Iraq.
     UCLA archaeologists had kept an eye on the site ever since a team of French and Italian archaeologists were suddenly asked to leave in 1995.
     "Atsab'su Urd is an important site in that it would give us some insight of life in the region before it was prominent," said Dr. Morris Piltdown, professor of archaeology and lead investigator at the site.
     "There is a certain poetry to Saddam Hussein's use of Atsab'su Urd to store weapons," Piltdown said. "Before they were forced to leave, the French and Italian team found evidence that places within this site were used to store ancient weapons. Our theory is one of the rulers at the time converted this from a small trading center to a storage area, using some of the trade activity as a cover. Further digging will reveal more," he said.
     In a brief statement at the White House, press secretary Ari Flesicher announced the find and said, "We told you so."